Friday, December 4, 2009

Is That Burger Naked?

Nothing should be simpler than an old-fashioned burger but people make it complicated. First, you can’t just order a burger, you have to pick what kind of burger. Beef, buffalo, ostrich, and this is just the first choice.

I suggest you pick beef or sirloin, these are the best two choices according to me. And it is all about me, isn’t it?

Bison/buffalo though is rather dry because of the low-fat content but it is edible. I suggest, and I rarely suggest this, put something damp on it, like ketchup. Ostrich? We are nothing even going there. And chicken is not a burger, it’s a sandwich. Big difference.

Okay, you picked your meat. Then, the bun comes along. It’s not just a bun anymore. It’s a setting. Seeded, non-seeded, toasted, white, wheat, over-sized, undersized…etc. Whatever your bread choice, the restaurant will proudly spew loving words about what they suggest on their menu. Most of that is crap.

About 40% of the calories in your burger are coming from the bun. Yes, the bun. So, is the bread that exciting now? Personally, I just take the bread off and eat the meat plain. If you don’t want do that and look weird, may I suggest throwing away the bottom part of your bun. Take the top part, cut it in half and use the halves to cuddle your meat. If you have to cuddle it. Honestly, it’s fine naked.

You have your meat and your bun.

Now, you can pick from the 83 possible toppings. Ranch, BBQ, Special Sauce, Chipolte Sauce, Italian Sauce etc… Remember, whatever you dump on your burger will cover up the meat taste. You are paying 15 bucks for this burger at a nice resturant, don’t waste the meat. Meat good…mmm.

You picked your meat, your bun, your toppings. But you aren’t done yet.

Now, pick your cheese. I’m lactose intolerant myself but you get to choose cheddar, mozzarella (or however you spell it), hot pepper cheese, or from a list of a dozen other cheeses.

Then, when that’s done, you pick the sides.

By then you’ll be exhausted from your choice selections, I suggest you lay across the table and sleep while your burger cools.

The meat is the best meat available. It’s probably Grade A USDA Angus beef. Might even be Kobe beef. Why mess it up with a pound of toppings and a dozen seasonings.

Just order the damn thing naked and enjoy it.

Burgers made simple.

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