This blog is about my whatever which is completely different from your whatever. My whatever will be about writing, poetry, my dogs, what I find funny, food I hate, family, and basically any thing I want. Whatever.
1) My first cousin, Marshall, once asked me out on a date.
I said no. Well, I told him he was an idiot because he didn't recognize me and then I said no. I never liked blonds anyway.
2) I once punched myself in the face.
No, I'm not in a self-abusive relationship. I'm just clumsy as hell. I'm just glad I didn't knock myself out.
3) One winter not long ago, I ended up semi-naked in the snow in full view of my neighbors.
That was SO not my fault. BlackDog tricked me.
4) I met Jerry Seinfield.
He's short. Very, very short. And still not funny in person.
5) My Dad invited people to come watch me shower when I was fifteen.
Not on purpose, the old man walked in on my when I was showering. And Daddio being Daddio didn't notice the shower running. He opens his long johns and starts to pee. And he pees. And he pees some more. Just as he's finally leaving, he yells out the door 'Hey do you hear water running?" Everyone runs up and peers into the bathroom, where I'm in the glass door showered holding a six inch wash cloth.
6) I got a goat for my 12th birthday. I asked for a typewriter.
7) When I was 9 and my nephew 4, I taped him to a tree and tried to sell him back to his mother.
I watched a lot of terrorism on television, what can I say. I didn't amputate anything. So, I just cut off a little of his hair, it grew back. Eventually.
8) I once peed on my sister.
Blame my brother, he's the one who burned the house down. Blame my dad for moving us to a converted warehouse to live in. Blame my mother for making me share a bed with my sister. Blame the spider landing on my face in the middle of the night and scaring the pee out of me.
For some reason, my sister blames me. I was seven, I think I can get government pardon on those grounds, right?
9) My mom wouldn't let me cut my hair when I lived at home unless I agreed to get a poodle perm identical to hers. I declined. So I went to college with Amish hair. I looked like I was getting ready to be a third wife to a paunchy middle-aged polygamist.
So at college, I put my hair in a pony tail, braided it, and cut off 8 inches. My mother said I looked whory. Finally, I thought.
10) I never dated Tony Patton.
All three of my sisters dated Tony P., one of them was engaged to him. I escaped the curse due to a slutty waitress with size C knockers and questionable morals. Thank goodness for polyester hos in the service industry.