Friday, January 1, 2010
Perhaps it's the cough medicine or an asthma induced hallucination but I just watched a commercial selling the perfect 'spiritual accessory'. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's a gaudy over-sized cross that if you squint through a tiny peep hole you can read an etched print of the Lord's Prayer. I think the first prayer should be your vision is still good enough to read that super tiny print.
Then, the announcer says it's perfect for anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas gifts. I'm telling the men out there right now that if you hope to get a birthday blow job, do not give a prayer cross.
For one thing it makes women think of God and women dwelling on God do not want to give you a joyful feeling in your pants. Sorry but it's true. If you find a woman who gets all turned on by a prayer cross, keep her because she's a rare find.
Second it's a gaudy piece of jewelry covered by kindergarden crystals and silver plating. It looks cheap and not in the costume jewelry sort of way. Like a bad gift from grandma sort of way.
You won't get laid if she's thinking of grandma either.
And ladies, if you ever by a prayer cross on a chain for a man in your life, I think I'll hunt you down and give you a smack for your stupidity. Most men do not wear 8 ounces of religious dime store glitter around their neck.
Plus did anyone consider the fact you have to take this hunk of metal off each time you want to try to read the prayer? On, off, on, off, on off. Just tattoo it on your feet and look down, it'll make more sense.
BTW...this is NOT a spiritual accessory. I don't know what the hell a spiritual accessory is but I'm pretty sure it doesn't hang around your neck like an tacky Christmas ornament.