Saturday, August 6, 2011

Back From Vegas

I just got back from my work trip to Vegas. Exhausting. But I did learn a few things.

1) Julia Roberts did ho's a disservice by making hooking look glamorous. After seeing several working girls at Vegas, I have a few suggestions. Wash your hair after each client meeting and if your skirt is skin tight and shorter than your butt cheeks, at least wear a thong. And lastly, bill Ms. Roberts for selling you a bill of faulty goods.

2) Also if I can't tell if you are a hooker or just slutty, time to change your outfit. This is addressed to the girl in the yellow bikini top one size too small, the shorty shorts and her hand in groping in the boyfriend's pocket. Trust me when I say that more than one person wondered if you were working by the hour since you were in a public lobby in front of children. But since you were in flip flops, I lean toward slutty girlfriend rather than ho. Ho's usually have taller shoes.

3) I hate the cigarette smoke and there is no way to avoid it in Vegas because every hotel lobby is a casino. All casinos have smokers.

4) Walking is required so if your knees suck, you're peg-legged, or you are just too heavy to comfortably climb stairs, navigate moving stair cases or side step the short Hispanics giving out peep show cards---I suggest Vegas isn't for you.

5) Even the penny slots are addictive. I won 8 bucks. Okay, I won 11 but I continued to play so it dropped to 8 bucks. Not bad for a dollar investment but it's easy to get swept up in the moment and get yourself in trouble. Stay away from the slots and tables. Especially the one with the 7's and the storm pictures. That machine is mine. Hah.

6) The adult pool. Oh geez no. Please no. No one is pretty enough to make that work. Either you'll be the show because your boobs point upward or you'll be the one people wince about. The worst people at that pool are gawkers. Do you want to be a show for drunk losers? Let them buy it on the porn channel. No adult pool.

7) At 4 in the morning, Vegas is still going strong. Watch out for the drunk people but don't be one of them. Be drunk in your room like a normal person.

8) Big muscles in a great looking suit still looks like a thug. Never saw so many short muscled guys in expensive suits. I was having a Bugsy Siegel moment.

9) Liberace's dressing room is a tattered red-velvet mess. Don't ask me how I know.


I'm going to bed now. I'm exhausted left for the airport at 4am.


1 comment:

  1. Tirz

    Your comments are priceless! Your always shake my coffee cup with laughter.